Bloody Barbecue & Photo Solicitation

My period started just over a week ago (on October 4th) and behaved very oddly; no cramps AT ALL (I might have had five seconds-worth of sensation that made me think I might get cramps), no big chunks, a very slow start . . . and a weird color. Instead of being purple-red or brown-red, it was orange-red. Almost like barbecue sauce smeared on my panties (normally a more plum colored or blackberry syrup color on the not-totally-RED-red days).

I've never seen anything like it.

The only thing I can attribute this to is that I started taking iodine supplements a few weeks ago because I suspect I have a sluggish thyroid. I've not had time to research it thoroughly, but haven't found anything anywhere describing orange period blood as a side effect of taking extra iodine.

I really feel the need/desire to start soliciting more flow photos just to create a library of what women's menstrual fluid REALLY LOOKS LIKE instead of still relying on vague, subjective descriptions for us all to try to figure out what is normal as though we live in fucking prehistoric times. Actually, I'll bet women knew more about what other women's periods looked like in prehistoric times. Now we do such a good job of hiding it we have no fucking clue. Of course, if I did this I'd have to make sure people know how to set the white balance on their cameras otherwise it would do no good color-wise (though would still be useful in documenting the amounts, consistency, etc.).

Periods & Pain Sensitivity

It's just an off-hand remark with a non-period pic, but Dacia's started right before she got work done on her tattoo and she thinks that's very bad timing.

I seriously believe that in preparation for your period, your blood thins. I don't know if I've ever read that being the case or not, but before my period starts my nose starts getting bloody (I don't get bloody noses, my boogers just get blood in them) and my gums are more likely to bleed. Maybe an increased susceptibility to bruising goes along with that?

Any women who've noticed something like that or anyone who can provide links backing this up (or directly refuting it) please comment. I also wonder if Dacia bled more while she was being needled or if it just HURT more.

What Failure Looks Like: Exhibit B

As many of you know, we've been trying to get pregnant for over a year now which means that every time my period starts it's a reminder that I have failed to get pregnant.



I took that picture of my cozy period panties with fresh new blood, pussy stains & hours old blood back in December after a particularly sad start (we'd hoped we'd conceived near Thanksgiving when I'm sure I ovulated; my period started after I'd been SO SURE I was pregnant and had spent time lovingly decorating our Christmas tree, thinking it would be the last Christmas we'd have without kids and looking forward to sharing a tree with them in the future.

After the initial disappointment, though, I remembered how much I love my period. It felt like my body was comforting me with warmth and color and proof that I'm alive and working properly inside. Cuddling up in bed with my period and two hot water bottles (one for my crampy abdomen and one for my feet) was the perfect treatment to feeling shitty about not being pregnant.

If I can't be pregnant, at least I can have my period. That's pretty nice.

Read more about how I feel about this on my (in)fertility blog with Exhibit A.

Flow: Off the Pill

I was concerned I'd have really bad cramps this month now that I'm off the pill; fortunately, that hasn't been the case. The cramps I did have Monday were very mild even though my flow is heavier than it was while I was on hormonal birth control (but still much less than when I was younger).

I've been looking forward to having a regular flow; it was usually very light while I was on the pill and with absolutely no chunks of tissue (what some people refer to as clots, even though they are NOT clots).

Maybe there's no medical reason to feel this way, but I felt like my pill periods were sort of weak and sickly. It's hard to describe, but since the flow was so light and the color sometimes more of a gloppy greyish-mauve the likes of which I've never seen on a normal period, I couldn't resist longing for a normal "healthy" period. And what, pray tell, do I imagine a "healthy" period looks like? Well, a lot more RED for one thing. From disturbingly bright and fresh red to dark tissue-laden dark red, to almost black-ish, to a swampy brownish color towards the end (that's how I've always referred to the less-red flow: swampy). On the pill, it was often like a nearly dried-up swamp after global warming.

Again, I have no "scientific" reason to think I was unhealthy while I was on the pill, especially when I know I was healthIER in some ways than I am off it, but I guess since I think of my uterus as a place meant to nurture new life, I want some kind of visible evidence that jives with that idea. Somehow a lackluster flow that's sometimes even a greyish pinkish mucous color doesn't seem as nurturing and healthy as a rich crimson flow with big hunks of flesh.

The off-pill flow seems to tell me I am really ALIVE inside and have plenty of extra juices and meat to go around. While I was on the pill I felt like that part of me was kind of dried up inside (even though my pussy was naturally more wet ON the pill than it is off the pill, and my body in general felt juicy and plump and happy as did my emotions).

I know it's totally silly, but I am kind of glad we didn't get pregnant last month before I had a chance to have this real period. Even if it makes absolutely no sense and a doctor would scoff at it, I just feel reassured by having a normal flow that I perceive as "healthy". I'm sure I'm prescribing meaning to my flow that it doesn't deserve, but seeing so much red in the toilet and hunks of my sloughed-off insides makes me feel like I have a good little nest inside me for a fetus. Seeing my flow this month makes me feel like everything is working right, and I wasn't so sure about that before. I was feeling old and dehydrated and I don't think that's how a mother-to-be should feel.

I guess I associate a heavier flow with youth and vitality, and a lighter flow with being old and somewhat feeble and less physically capable.

Horniest Part of my Cycle

People (ahem, men) are often curious what part of women's cycles leave us the horniest. It seems to vary from one woman to the next, but I tend to be horniest right BEFORE my period, when I have pre-menstrual syndrome.

When I have PMS I often find myself in a very agitated and angry state of arousal. If I get too stimulated and aroused at this point, I truly get the feeling that I will FREAK OUT if I do not have an orgasm. It's the time of the month when I feel the most like rough sex, and I don't mean that *I* want to be treated roughly, but that I want to treat my lover roughly.

Now that I'm on the pill my "cycle" is pretty much nonexistent since the pill regulates your hormones so there aren't real cyclical fluctuations. As a result, I don't notice a real difference from one week to the next. During the "off" week when I'm flowing and not taking any pills, I do seem to initiate sex more often, usually after the first couple of days when I'm not really flowing. Then when we fuck I start bleeding again, often a bright red. I wonder what kind of chemical reaction my boyfriend's semen has inside me with my menstrual fluid and if that is what causes the blood to look so "fresh" and almost koolaid colored? Other times, if I really am at the end of my period days the combination of his cum and my scanty residual uterine debris is really gross looking with a few blobs of beige floating in a limpid puddle of spooge.

Have a Happy Period?

Hmmm . . . I've mixed feelings about this jokey rant:

An open letter written to the brand manager of Proctor andGamble - (Maker of Always Maxi Pads)

While I agree that the people marketing fem. products are off their rockers and deserve to be set straight, I really think the person who wrote this rant is a man trying to impress a woman, but doing a damned poor job of it; MENSTRUATION should not be confused with PREMENSTRUAL SYNDROME.

All of those violent symptoms, mood swings, and bloating are things women experience BEFORE their periods start, and for me and every woman I've ever known, they pretty much disappear when our periods begin (making way for the cramps and sometimes fatigue).

It actually *is* possible to have a happy period. Most people who have bad PMS *do* have happy periods because they are relieved of all those bad PMS symptoms. It's a relief. A lot of us also use our periods as excuses to baby ourselves. We wear stained panties, lay in bed with our hot water bottles, permit ourselves extra sleep, and treat ourselves to red meat and spinach to replenish our iron stores. While I've had many painful periods, I don't know that they've ever been "unhappy".

Spring Period

I started flowing on Wednesday (the 21st) a day earlier than I expected; the orgasmic masturbation session I had that afternoon with my new eroscillator I got for my 34th birthday must have kicked out the jams in my uterus. I also wound up with more painful cramps than I've had in quite awhile.

This week has been great, but sort of long and exhausting. We had family over for a number of days; I only had a handful of hours between their departure and the arrival of my period. My muscles are sore from dancing and lifting/carrying my nine month old nephew. I've been dizzy all day. I'm definitely in hermit mode and don't want to see or talk to anyone besides Tucker.

I could really use a massage. This is not a lament because I actually could get one whenever I want since I have three massages paid for (one was a birthday present from when I turned 33 and I still haven't used it). When you're poor (or semi-poor, or even just vividly REMEMBER being poor at one time) you save things that are meant to be used, fearing that to use them is to squander or destroy them. So I think I've been saving this massage gift certificate waiting for the perfect time, feeling like since I can't get massages regularly I should make sure I don't get one when I'm *totally* gimped up. No, I should stretch for a week beforehand so the procedure isn't totally in vain!

This week I realized I really should treat myself since I've been sitting on this gift for a year, but I hesitated to schedule an appointment knowing I'd be having my period and maybe not feeling like having someone pushing on my lower back. And then next week I don't want to schedule a massage because we have a shoot (and tons of work to catch up on) and I know it will just throw everything right back out of wack when I start posing in heels and stuff.