Unsatisfying

Well, I'm *still* tired.

I had a very unsatisfying sleep, much of it spent in pain from cramps. Because I was so tired, I couldn't rouse myself to take a pill until they were bad enough to keep me awake. So lots of dreaming, lots of waking up feeling uncomfortable, lots of going to the bathroom. I feel like my uterus has been constipated and is now about to take a dump.

Then I spilled my water all over everything on/by my nightstand and had to turn on the light and get up to clean that up.

I just want to sleep. To lay in bed. NOW. My cramps barely register on the pain-scale now that I'm on the pill, but if I remove relativism and just acknowledge them for what they are NOW, they are still painful and require extra helpings of tenderness and rest to make up for the lost sleep.

My eyelids are feeling very heavy.

A Cycle to Myself

Yesterday was our last opportunity to get everything out of our old house and into our new house. We spent over twelve hours packing, moving, and cleaning. My right hand and arm throbbed with pain and were rendered useless by the time I went to sleep at three in the morning.

And my period started today.

I had a genuinely pleasant day in spite of missing too many hours of sleep, having lots to do, and being surrounded by boxes. But. It was nothing like the way I'd like to spend my period: free of distractions, only attending to my body.

I would love to spend a month, an entire cycle, completely focused on my body. Take a break from The Pill, let my body do its thing all by itself.

I can't do a month off (nor do I honestly think that's what I truly WANT), but maybe I will schedule a special three day vacation for one period this year. Me, alone somewhere quiet, with no cameras or obligations . . . just me and my body with nothing getting in between us, enjoying my arrival of my period.

Or maybe not me alone. Tucker and I don't take enough time off so even fantasizing about a vacation without him leaves me feeling unsatisfied. Anyway, if I feel like having sex during my bloody little vacation I want to be able to have it with my boyfriend.

Tomorrow I have a couple of shows scheduled and really want to do a bloody shoot, but after all of this moving I just want to take a BREAK. I'm really tired and I want to just crawl into bed with my period and my hot water bottle and a book. I want to rest and repair myself without worrying about all of the things I should be doing, and that I have on my schedule. Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.

Oh well, I still have tonight. Maybe twenty minutes of reading and revelling in our flannel sheets and my drippy red twat before I totally pass out from exhaustion.