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Sunday, March 04, 2007

Flow of Information

While my mom was visiting I asked her if her flow decreased as she got older, and she said yes, for sure. Part of why I asked was to see if her experience was different at my age as a woman who'd given birth already (compared to me, since I haven't had kids).

Most of the women I've talked to in their thirties and forties complain of a heavier flow than when they were younger, and I'd wondered if it was because of having kids, but apparently not. I know fibroid tumours, etc. are pretty common so maybe that's why they have heavy flows. I don't know.

My mom also said that she misses having her period now that she's gone through menopause. She said she misses the release and letting go, and that it always felt like a relief. She said that menopause was like constant PMS.

Apparently my great-great-grandmother (on my mom's dad's mom's side) killed herself in her fifties, perhaps because menopause sucked so fucking hard for her.

I don't know if people realize the enormous impact of hormones on our state of mind. For all of the PMDD commercials on television I still get the feeling most people think it's some kind of a joke or something a few women exaggerate. It's really dangerous, I think, to dismiss the violent impulses we can feel when our hormones are fluctuating or fucked up. There have been times I think I'd have seriously thought about killing myself if I hadn't realized what was going on: hormones. So instead of SERIOUSLY thinking about it, I just CASUALLY thought about it and tried to console myself that the way I felt was only temporary (until the next month, of course).

I wonder why, as I've gotten older, my flow has decreased, but my PMS has gotten worse. Oh well, I'm thankful for birth control pills evening me out because I don't know if I could have taken much more of that crap.

Only twenty years (approximately) to go before I have to deal with menopause. I hope by then they'll have figured out a safe hormone cocktail for us to take.

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