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Friday, March 04, 2005

The Pill: Month 1

I'm on day 28 of the pill today, starting my second pack tomorrow.

The main reason I am now on hormonal birth control? PMS. It was becoming intolerable and disturbing, and I wanted to see if birth control would diminish the premenstrual "syndrome" symptoms the way it seems to for so many other women. I have been having a really hard time with it the past year, to the point where I would seriously want to kill myself if I weren't aware of the cause (hormones fluctuating) of so much bad feeling and insane mood swings. It might be too soon to tell, but the pill really did seem to help reduce the emotional craziness. Then again, I had a very short cycle since I began taking the pills on the same day my period started, which means my period started a week early cutting the whole PMS ordeal shorter than it has ever been. Next month will be a better test of the effect of the pill on my moodiness.

It will also be interesting to see what kind of an effect the pill will have on content-production for the members area of this site. On the plus side, my cycle will be predictable on the pill so I'll be able to schedule shoots and shows. Before there was so much guesswork, and we often had already made plans by the time my period started and wouldn't even be home during my heavy flow days making it impossible to shoot any good pics or videos. Also a plus: I should have less cramps making me FEEL more like shooting and doing shows while menstruating.

On the potentially negative side, the pill could really reduce the volume of my flow, which hasn't been very . . . ummm . . . voluminous(?) the past few years anyway. This could reduce my ONE heavy-flow day down to ZERO heavy flow days. If this period I just had/am having is any indication, I won't be able to shoot ANY good content as I've barely flowed at all; I planned a show on Tuesday with a white dildo, and there was barely any blood on it to speak of, and even that was a stringy consistency and dark purple rather than red. I *hope* it was so light just because my cycle was shortened this month, and that it will go back to some kind of normalcy next month. If not, my members area will have to take a different direction or I'll have to rethink the pill. But first I need to give myself a chance to see if it's actually beneficial to me to stay on it.

Of course, BIRTH CONTROL is also a factor in making a decision. Tucker and I have been using the withdrawal method for three years now, which seems to be working just fine but I'm getting to the point where I'm less open to the possibility of an accidental pregnancy. The moment I took the first pill, I felt a small but noticeable weight being lifted just knowing that there was no risk involved anymore (assuming I take the pills religiously, which I have been doing except for this week in which I take none).

It would actually be a really nice break for my body to skip a few periods, so if my flow dries up to next-to-nothing, I will probably take a break from shooting period content, write some stories, solicit some guest content, and skip bleeding for a few months. About ten years ago I was on Depo-Provera (the shot) because I had such horrible cramps -- the shot stopped my periods and it was really great . . . until it wasn't anymore and I wanted my body back to a more "natural" state. After ten years of bleeding, I owe it to my body to give it another vacation.

Don't get me wrong, I really love having my period. Even the cramps are sometimes welcome. But the whole thing is a pretty exhausting, draining (literally) process. And hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Don't start worrying yet though . . . I am not at all sure I'll take the break from menstruating, and even if I do . . . members may not even notice it at all depending upon how carefully I plan it.

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